Mommy & Me

My Desire to Fight

Is it selfish of me to be thankful of a trait I possess? I don't think it is, unless I were to be vain and I say something about my looks, which I won't. I'm thankful that I have the desire to fight. Not fight physically, but emotionally and mentally. I never knew I had it in me until now. After over 3 months of pure torture, awful words, hurt feelings, and paper filing, I've found this inner strength in me that I didn't know I had. There have been plenty times when I'm sure many of you have hear me say "That's it, I'm done." At that time, and maybe for a few weeks after, yes I did feel that way. However, not one day later I would be back to square one of wanting to fight for what is mine... fight for what I believe in... fight for my marriage. It's the biggest promise and commitment I have ever, and will ever make. There is plenty wrongdoings on my part, and I want to fix those. I want to make things better. I don't want this to end. Deep down, even with everything that has gone, and the lack of trust, I cannot call it quits. My 40 day challenge is the last thing I can think of to do what needs to be done. If I don't do it, I'll feel like I didn't really give it my all, even though I know that's not true. There would always be that looming "what if" and I can't stand to have that be a possibility. So I will fight, and fight, and fight. In the end though, I know there's only so much I can do. I will not give up.